The distance between them and that dinosaur
progressively broadened. The restless forest of flailing branches and trembling
leaves slowly calmed. The foggy air cleared slightly and the blue sky above
showed face. A little further away, one or two silhouettes scurried away
without any vocal sounds. A brown bird was spotted; flapping its wings
vigorously and flew away to another tree.
Chouchou followed Jonathan with
shaking eyes. Her thin fingers constantly combed through her now tangled hair.
She reached a knot and yelped slightly. Jonathan turned around immediately with
a raised eyebrow and a face expression saying, ‘Be quiet’.
She nodded and walked a little closer.
Then she rubbed her fingers together. “Can we please stop for a minute? We’ve
been walking with no sense of direction for a long time already. My hands are
cold.”
Jonathan stopped in his tracks and
whirled around. His bright eyes were hazy and slightly darkened. He narrowed
them and sighed. “Get your gloves. We’re starting right after you do. Twenty
seconds. Get going.”
“Come on, Jonathan. Why are you so
mean to me?” Chouchou pouted as she swung her backpack off. She dug through her
back and pulled out thin, yet warm black gloves.
After zipping up her bag and putting
it back on, Jonathan counted down.
“Five, four, three, two, one, we’re
done,” he turned around and pushed a swaying green branch away as he walked by.
“I didn’t even put them on yet!”
Chouchou complained.
“Did I say I’d wait for you to put
them on?”
Just then Lenny came onto the path. He
had leaves sticking out of his hair and dust all over his clothes. He wiped the
side of his mouth.
“Another one spotted,” Jonathan
commented. “Where’s the other kid?”
Chouchou stared at Lenny’s every
movement. The air felt cold as a sudden gust eloped around them.
He shook his head. “Elias? I haven’t
seen him since the dinosaur from earlier. Where’d he go off to?”
“You’re supposed to know that,”
Chouchou argued. She had a frown on her face now and arms crossed. “Elias was
with you and Matthew the whole time. Where did you come from?”
Lenny shrugged. “Where’s Matthew
then?”
Jonathan pointed ahead without a word.
His dirt filled nail was shaking slightly as it directed the others toward the
distanced fog. Rustling tree top leaves and dried grass was heard. The ground
beneath them was wet with early rain.
“How come everyone doesn’t care about
each other?” Chouchou asked. She looked at Lenny. “Does it not bother you that
one of our group members is missing?”
“Am I responsible for him? He’s smart.
He’ll know his way,” Lenny responded. “Besides, this is survival. You can’t let
one person ruin you.”
“But wanting to find someone makes you
determined doesn’t it?”
After a series of rumbling grow fainter, Mei
Xing appeared. She rolled up two pieces of rope and stopped with the other
three.
“The dinosaur tore it in half, scared,
and ran away,” she laughed. But her laugh was drowned away when she studied the
faces of the other teenagers. With a half smile she asked, “What’s going on
here?”
Chouchou pulled up her backpack and
stared straight into Mei Xing’s eyes. “I’m not accusing here but both Jonathan
and Lenny don’t seem to care whether we find Elias or not. Isn’t that a
problem? We went through trouble to search for Casey, didn’t we?”
Before Mei Xing could say a word,
Jonathan shot a glare at Chouchou. He snorted and shook his head violently.
“I’m pretty sure we all knew
that the point of the survival hunt was not to find a bunch of people to
work with and socialize with. I knew I was going to work by myself way before I
reached this age. We were taught about this hunt when we were little—the
insiders that is.” Jonathan pursed his lips and breathed heavily. “You
don’t know anything though. Outsiders don’t know a thing about this.
You,” he looked at Chouchou, “You’re an outsider, aren’t you?”
Mei Xing shut her mouth and looked to
the ground. Her eyes studied the dark, flooded grass patches surrounded by
slushy mud. The silence caused her arms to feel cold and form goose bumps. Though
she wanted to add to the conversation, she stayed quiet.
Chouchou replayed the same look
Jonathan shot. “That’s right, I don’t know anything. I don’t know what I am and
I don’t know how you all think.” She made a pouted face as her eyes bulged and
reddened. “I don’t know if I’m an insider or an outsider. But I do know you
guys are all so different—too different for me to catch up.”
“Chouchou,” Mei Xing started. “We’re
all different. No one thinks the same.”
“But you’re all leaving me out;
treating me different! I don’t want to be so different that I can’t keep up! I
don’t want to be here anymore! I’ll go back by myself. No one was going to care
if I died anyway!”
She pulled her black hood over her
head and darted ahead of them without looking back; without listening to any
words the others yelled to her.
* * * * *
Chouchou’s
footsteps slowed when she realized she had run a great distance. Her throat was
cold and dried, as if every swallow scraped along sandpaper. Her nose was clogged
and red from the cold.
She
stopped by a tree and squatted down. The tree was surrounded by tall and
strong-smelling berry bushes.
Her
breath huffed heavily into her gloved hands. The gloves against her face now
felt warm and friendly. Her once smooth and flawless cheeks were now dry and
itchy. She had irritated rashes on either side of her face, caused by sweat and
the environment itself. The tears that rolled down her face only made it worse.
The more water added the slower to heal.
“I
don’t care if I die,” Chouchou muttered in a whispery voice to herself. She
huddled close to the tree and pulled the drawstrings of her jacket. Slowly her
eyes shut, still mumbling. “I don’t care if all that’s left of me are bones. I
wasn’t meant to be noticed or remembered on the last day of my life anyway. No
one likes me… I’m too different. It’s been like this—since forever…”
“I
don’t want to sit next to her,” a little girl with a bowl cut whined, pointing.
“She’s wearing black and I don’t like black.”
The
teacher knelt down beside the bowl cut girl and said in a friendly voice.
“Chouchou is a nice girl; you two can be good friends too.”
But
the little girl persisted, “I don’t want to be friends with a scary girl. I
like girls that are like me.”
Chouchou
sat alone at a desk with three other empty chairs. Her long, wavy blond hair
did not help her blend in with her kindergarten classmates. Her black shirt
with white kittens on it was newly bought and given to her by her aunt the day
before her birthday. She wanted to wear it on her birthday at school so her
classmates would like it.
That
afternoon back home, she pulled her shirt and looked down at it. Then she
complained to her mother she did not like the kittens on the shirt and wanted
one with flowers instead, because flowers hardly ever printed on black
backgrounds.
When
her mother and father finally got her a new pink shirt, Chouchou pulled it on
right away and went to school. She had a big smile on her face as she was
brought into the classroom.
She
hoped her new shirt would impress everyone. But it was just the opposite. The
boys avoided her as usual, and the girls did not like the fact her pink shirt
was prettier than theirs. That whole day Chouchou ended up colouring pictures
alone again.
Years
after that, in elementary school the same things would occur. When she had
pretty hair accessories, or whether she had the newest clothing first, others
would become jealous and leave her out of their groups, thinking she was too
stuck up and spoiled.
As
Chouchou slowly realized her parents were spoiling her, she wanted normal style
things, to blend in with others. But when she got to school, they would say she
copied them, or that she ‘finally wanted to join in.’
Apart
from appearance, everyone was covetous over her creative stories, her beautiful
artwork, and would criticize and tease her poor math grades.
That
was until she turned eight and was forced to leave her country to a strange
land far away by force. Her parents disappeared as she lived now with her mother,
who revealed to have sneaked out of the land. Nothing school related or
amalgamating with other people existed in this world. Solitude conquered every
emotion.
* * * * *
“You’re an outsider, aren’t you?”
“I’m
an outsider, aren’t I?” Chouchou sighed. She stretched out her legs for a
moment, and then tucked her knees again.
The
rough bark against her hooded head felt uncomfortable. Her long, messy hair
wrapped around her neck as a wet and uncomfortable scarf.
But one
incident did cause despondency previous to departure. In elementary school, the
start of a new year in second grade, an experience never had before cropped up.
“Eli
and Matt are partners, teacher, I don’t have one,” a girl with long black hair
said. She had a tight elastic in her hair, bundling only a finger strand of
hair at the back.
The
teacher scanned the room and spotted Chouchou, again sitting by herself
doodling on the requirements sheet. She came up to her. “Chouchou, can you work
with Acacia for this project?”
Chouchou
had a blank expression on her face as she looked up at the girl. The girl named
Acacia was smiling. Chouchou nodded solemnly and continued to stare. The
teacher walked away to help other students and the girl sat next to Chouchou.
Expecting
another useless partner, Chouchou ignored the girl until she spoke. Usually the
partner would read over assignments and tell her what to do. In this case,
however, it was unusual.
“What
do you want to do for the project?”
Chouchou
heard the question twice before realizing it was directed to her. She looked at the paper. “You pick.”
“Come
on, you have to choose. I’m not going to,” the girl said. And she stayed quiet
until Chouchou responded.
“Puppet
show,” Chouchou finally said in a hushed accent.
The
girl beamed and nodded, “I like that too.”
And
for the first time, Chouchou responded with a big smile and a friendly laugh as
if welcoming a great image that only appeared once in a lifetime.
* * * * *
All the memories Chouchou had in her childhood before
turning eight became a blur. The little details and the names of people all
fogged. The new classmate’s faces readjusted into new people by the time she
thought of them again. They were not who she thought they were.
Now
fifteen years old, she still could not remember the name and face of the
friendly girl who spoke to her in grade two.
Chouchou
sat up with her eyes open and looked down at the ground. Her black gloved hands
clenched tightly to the crumbled dirt and the foot of the tree. She opened her
hand and watched as the crumbs trickled to the ground again.
Everyone is different. Even though
someone does not think anything has changed, quietly everything rearranges
itself. The combination of two or more people would gradually adjust life and
thoughts, forming a different person out of the same person.
